A Not so Life Assessment

I’ll be turning 23 in a few days and as what always happen during this time of the year, I make it a tradition to reflect on what has become of me as a person.  The past year was a period of healing and taking risks.  I can proudly say that I’m doing well in dealing with the ghosts of the past.  I’m no longer living each day dwelling on the ‘what could have beens.’  Whatever I felt before or thought I had is already gone.  Whether it is good for me or not, only time can tell.  What’s more important is I’m finally able to find the shore after getting lost in the open sea of sorrow.  The whole experience taught me to maturely deal with things instead of pretending to have already moved on and forgotten everything.  Because the truth is, we never really forget.  We just force ourselves to deny the existence of that ‘hole’ rotting inside of us.  I’m just thankful that I’m over that phase.  I have learned to be honest in what I feel, that it’s okay if some memories still manage to catch me off guard, and that I don’t have to punish myself for it. Acknowledging pain in the first place, is never a sign of weakness.  It is in fact a step closer to freeing ourselves.

 

The past year also opened new doors for me.  I was able to finally put my dreams into realization, one plan at a time.  I’m enjoying graduate school, believe it or not.  Every new thing I learn is an affirmation that I am heading towards the right path.  I know that this is what I’m cut out for.  The corporate world is just too mechanical for me.  Sure I got my loads benefits from it, especially on the financial department.  I wouldn’t be able to do what I’m doing now if I didn’t tire myself taking 90+ calls a day for eight straight hours.  And it was also rewarding on level, knowing that I’m actually capable of such task and somehow be good at it.   I just know that it could never last for me.  I yearn for something more human.

 

In the midst of this whole period, I have learned to treasure the presence of my family and friends.  I’m very lucky to have the support of my parents and the whole kin.  I am at a much much better place thanks to my genuine friends who never fail to bring out the most heartfelt laugh in me.

 

So I guess getting a year older is not a bad thing.  I’d like to think that everything I do now would make me a better daughter, a better sister, a better cousin, a better niece, a better friend – a better person.  So here’s to another year of new beginnings and putting more dreams into reality.  Cheers!