I should still be thankful because

1. My students are very nice. So nice, they warm my little black ♥. But seriously, they’re all worth the nightly sore throats.

2. Everything is becoming more stable in the family. Hooray hooray, my brother’s sanity is back!

3. I got through the three-hour Anthro class without making an idiot out of myself in front of my classmates.

4. No matter who he is,  I’m still flattered. Hehe.

5. I’m becoming a different person each day and I like it.

Now if I could just finish this week’s paper on PanPil 280 without killing myself…really, that would be fantawesome!

dear blog,

How are you my love? This is just me, trying to exhaust my remaining awake brain cells. I should be writing my PP280 paper, you know. But I chose not to because I’m darn tired already. I just spent the last three and a half hours talking to my Japanese students. And my throat is already killing me. Oh right, I haven’t told you that I’m working again. I’ve been doing it for a month now. Except for the  non-stop talking, the work itself is very easy. Plus, I’m working from the comforts of my own room. So what more can I ask for, right? Hmmm…about my paper. I’ll start writing it tomorrow. Well I have already made the outline. All I need is to pound endlessly on the keyboard tomorrow until I make an eight-page critique on Edgardo M. Reyes’ Sa Mga Kuko ng Liwanag. Right. It should be easy. Oh well, I have to go now. Jhe has been texting me while I’m writing this and it’s distracting me. This is supposed to be an exercise but I’m now losing les momentum. So I’ll write to you, er, maybe next week, okay? I’ll be very busy this weekend. Wish me luck on my paper. Good bye.

Your crazy owner,

Kata

i am so into back-posting

…or whatever

My last morning of 2009 spent in the mountains of San Mateo.

My very special Vodka mixed drink.

hello 2010

I feel like a little child once again, dreading the inevitable end of the holidays. Baaaaaaah. I had so much fun for the past two weeks. Oh this is painful!

We spent Christmas day at Tita Baby’s house in Marikina Heights. For the first time in two months, we were complete once again (well, almost except for Tito Primo). My favorite niece, Yen-yen, came all the way from Bataan just to be with us.  Lola, as the oldest member of the family, made her traditional speech in front of her apos about how grateful she is that she still gets to spend another Christmas with us.

second generation of Basillas

Yen-yen with her gifts.

I was really glad to say goodbye to 2009. It was a very rough year for everyone. From Ondoy, to Lolo Bisaya’s passing, the carnage of 57 civilians in Maguindanao and not to mention the occasional falling out within the family, 2009 was hella bitch of a year. So many tears were shed especially during its last two quarters.

Kiara's star.

media noche

But my hopes are high this 2010. This year would be a period of healing and continuously surviving after all the devastations brought by the past year. So here’s to a start of a brand new year. Cheers!

one last wish

I finally got my much needed rest day. I’ve been attending to Christmas parties here and there and doing other commitments on the side. Boy, was I exhausted. I was supposed to write something last week. But other more important things were on the line, preventing me to do it. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you 2009, thank you for all the down times that you keep on rubbing in. Really, this last quarter have been a roller coaster of emotion. It’s like constantly being in the eye of the storm. And please, let me just celebrate the holidays without any further drama. I already had more than enough just for this month. Okay?

***

On the good note, I finally got to see the people I haven’t seen in such a long time (read: thousands of years). It was really nice to laugh with them again. There’s just this one last person that I really want to see. Yes, that’s you E. We really should hang out some time. I miss the lambanog nights and Redhorse at 50’s. Hay. Time time time.

Christmas party with my HS friends (from L-R Jacque + Alvin, Me, Maeng, Tonio and Jhe)

Five days to go before Christmas. Hang in there, Katarina.

i’m okayyyyyyyyy

So my last post was a clear product of endless paper work, adjustment with my new job and hardcore PMS baked to perfection in the oven of life. And don’t  forget growing insecurity as its final topping. But everything’s getting back to normal now. Hooorah hoorah, I survived this week’s work load without cancelling my classes in the last minute. That, my friends is worth a million tears. Hah.

Things like this reminds me that I’m not fully in control of everything after all. But that’s okay. I guess I will never be. There will always come a time when life will get the better of me. It’s just a matter of learning how to cope up with it and loving myself more in the process. Yes, I have to love myself MORE.

Me: I love me…

Me: I love me too…

Perfect.

I know that it will never end though. There will always be something that will remind me of my weakness. I just have to be ready for it.

So here’s to life, oh life, oh life. I say, bring it on, bitch!

With much love,

Kata : )

windang

Siguro nga, hindi pa ako totally nakapag-adjust sa mga nangyari noong mga nakaraang buwan. Oo patuloy pa rin naman ang buhay, pero lagi akong lutang. Nagagawa ko ang routine ko sa araw-araw pero parang palaging may kulang. Nitong linggo,  para akong sinampal kaliwa’t kanan ng mga kapalpakan ko. Maski ngayong araw may humabol pa.

Bakit kasi hindi ako maging totoo?

Pansin ko, nabubuhay na lang ako ngayon para patunayan sa iba kung ano ang magagawa ko. Bawat kilos ko, isinasaalangalang ko pa kung ano ang iisipin ng iba. Kailan ba ako nag-umpisang maging ganito ka-praning?

Kailangan ko ng mental health day. Kanina lang, pinagalitan ko ang sarili ko. At hindi ko nagustuhan ang mga nasabi ko. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit naging ganon.  Lumabas na lang ang mga salita sa bibig ko.

Ganoon na ba talaga kababa ang tingin ko sa sarili ko?

Alam mo, sa lahat ng ginagawa ko, ang unang kong hinahanap ay ang mga mali. At sa bawat maling nakikita ko, lalo kong pinapatay ang gusto kong ‘ako’.

Ang hirap.

nightmare

It started out as a beautiful dream. I was watching a meteor shower while I was lying  on my bed.  At first I couldn’t understand  how was I able to have this magnificent view in my room, then I noticed that our roof is gone! But I didn’t pay much attention to it, as I was so amazed by the sight. And then I felt that I was getting closer to the sky. When I looked around, I wasn’t on my bed anymore. I was floating! As soon as I realized this, I was back on my bed again. At this point, it didn’t feel like I was still in my dream anymore. Everything looked exactly the same with my ‘real’ bed except that there was this teddy bear beside my head. The teddy bear wasn’t happy seeing me. We got into a fist fight (that’s right, a fist fight!) and the next thing I knew he was already choking me. He had his foot, I think it was his right one, on my neck and boy, was he strong. When I woke up, I was in fetal position with my hands trying to remove the invisible paw on my neck.

we must never forget

What happened in Maguindanao is a clear manifestation of the Arroyo administration’s tolerance on the continuing injustices in the country. The Ampatuans are known warlords in Maguindanao, constantly creating fear within their constituents to preserve their reign over the land. Perpetrating the murder of more than 50 people in broad daylight, including women, journalists and lawyers (some are even raped and mutilated), is just pure monstrous. This worsening culture of impunity must end now. The Ampatuans must pay for the crime they’ve committed. The Filipino people must never forget this onslaught. We must never stop until justice is served.

Justice for all the victims of Ampatuan Massacre!

End warlordism and political fiefdom now!

11-16-09

Such an unforgettable date.  To the farm workers of Hacienda Luisita, this day commemorates the 5th anniversary of the massacre of their comrades. To my family,  a tragedy happened on this day that once again tested our ability to cope up with loss.

***

It was already five years ago when more than seven (that’s right it’s more than seven!) Hacienda Luisita farm workers were killed as several armed personnel, believed to be members of the military heartlessly sprayed bullets in the farm workers’ site of protest.  This was the Cojuangcos’  answer to the former’s plea of just land reform. And yes, five years after this massacre, a prominent member of the said family is now set to run for the highest public position in the country. When asked about the issue on the infamous vast land, his only answer is that he is just a minor share holder of the corporation. That is, my friends, incompetency and insincerity at its finest.

***

I spent the whole morning of this day doing my usual routine – checked my email, Facebook, and Twitter account. I also posted a link  related on the issue above on my FB wall. Then I headed out to school to get my readings on Anthro 273. I had no idea  that while all of these mundane things are happening, my Lolo in Samar is already on his long sleep, dreaming of beautiful things.  Perhaps of being with Lola once again and he never woke up anymore.

[I still can't get the words right. I have so many things to say about him...so many...to show how much I love him, though I only get to see him once in every five years...that I have dear memories of him...that he will forever be missed...]